I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize