I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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