my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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