the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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