Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize