i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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