you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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