I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
