No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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