dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
even my farts smell like vagina
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
