The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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