Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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