I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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