I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
