I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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