no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize