dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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