What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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