And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
