Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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