why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize