Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
