five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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