At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
