I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
