Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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