He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
