So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
