Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
