I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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