I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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