you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
