well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
