I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize