I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm always down for nudity.
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