youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
