I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
