Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
