youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize