The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
