I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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