So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
