I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
