Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
