the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
