question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
