You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
