Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
