The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
