First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
