I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you had me at cake vodka
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
