Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
