he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
