1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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