I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
