I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
