you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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