I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
