Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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