i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
being pregnant is like rehab
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
