I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
