we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Please, let me fuck your mom
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
