pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
