well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
