whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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