The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
