I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
