I just threw up on my dentist
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just pee around me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
