you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
