She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
