I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
