How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
