so explain again why im purple
no
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You left your phone here
Wait...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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