You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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