i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i barfeds in our rink
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
