Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
