Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
