I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize