I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
