Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
