Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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