sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
