I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
