i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
