I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
