So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
