I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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