Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
