Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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