it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize