Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
