We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize