You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
