mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
