im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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