real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
