I think im going to throw up on grandma
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
